Today (and yesterday, really) I just feel icky. Take bad menstrual cramps (and increase the intensity) and add pregnancy nausea (due to the HCG that is part of my drug cocktail) and that is a start of how I feel today. I don't have to stop and think about whether or not my ovaries hurt; they do -- all day, with more intense aching with any physical movement. And then the constancy of the aching seems to radiate to my lower back. And the crazy part is -- this is a very, very good thing! The worse I feel, the better I am responding to the meds. So I feel really lousy, and I am grateful! (I told you this was a surreal world!)
That said, today is where I hit "the wall" where this whole process stops being "fun" and I am ready for it to be over. I am grateful that I only have a few days more of taking stimulation medication and then it will be time for the "trigger shot." (This is a high-dose of the HCG which signals to the body that it is time to release the eggs. So something like 36 hours after you "trigger" you MUST go in for egg retrieval or you lose all your eggs and the whole thing was for nothing. So that day is quickly approaching.) I am not trying to complain, merely trying to explain how I am feeling right now. I am also starting to get antsy about everything. Will this be successful? Will it not? How will I feel about actually being pregnant? How will I feel if I am not? Even though I am very content to stay "neutral" about everything, with the constant reminder of aching ovaries I can't help but think about it all somewhat. And I guess tonight I don't really care what the outcome is, I am just ready to get to that point. It's a good thing this whole process is relatively short, because dragging it out would only make the "antsyness" worse.
So tomorrow I go back in for another ultrasound. It will be very interesting to see if all this feeling icky translates to more or bigger follicles....I hope so! And Sunday one of my best friends is bringing her boyfriend and coming to dinner and then Monday my hubby is coming!! So lots of things to look forward to, which will help get me through the last of my stimming days...
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