A few days ago I actually had to write RCC a very large check. (So large, in fact, I had to actually stop and think about how to write that amount...) Plus I had to pay a large bill to Rox-San Pharmacy for all my meds. Up until this point, everything had just been a "plan." But now we have actually "put our money where our mouths are" and it suddenly became very real. I am not freaking out though, it will be okay. Eventually loans will get repaid, right?
We also had the chance to buy a new dresser for a bedroom at a fabulous price (normally $1,200, got it for $200...gotta love RC Willey's "Wild Web Wednesday" sales!) So yesterday I moved my old dresser upstairs to what would be the nursery/playroom, and moved the new one into my room. And as I did that, I found myself thinking how cute that dresser would look next to the crib, and how it would have plenty of room to hold all the baby's things. And then I kind of laughed at myself. I am not saying that I am jumping for joy at the prospect of become pregnant soon, just that the idea is growing on me. I am saying that I am indeed slowly warming up to the concept of actually having another baby. Then today, I ran into a friend at the store and saw her new baby for the first time, and I actually felt the smallest glimmer of excitement inside. I am grateful that I have not been feeling anxious or uneasy about moving forward with this plan, but here's the problem: I don't want to be really excited or expectant -- that only sets me up to be crushed if things don't go well. So honestly I am trying to just not think about it much, and just go through the motions. That way I can just take it one day at a time and deal with things as they happen. Though there IS excitement about actually starting for real -- kind of like embarking on a spontaneous trip, not knowing for sure where you'll end up.
With that said, tonight I started my Lupron injections! I had to call my sister-in-law for a few pointers (thanks Rosie!) because I sort of forgot how to do them. But she walked me through it and all went smoothly. And in a little over a week, I head down to Utah to start the big stuff....crazy how fast it is all happening.
1 comment:
Wow, I'm amazed how detached you can be from it all...I guess it helps to have been here before and to be open to whatever outcome. Also, that you're not paying 100% of everything...I mean, how can you not be invested when you're in for $18k a cycle?!! Still, good luck with managing all the yucky stuff that comes with the cycles - mood swings, the shots, all the appointments, the waiting for results. I know it can be tough.
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